Common red flags in a committed relationship

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Dating phase came and went and now you’re committed to each other. You made sure that he didn’t have any of the beginning red flags but what now? Does it mean you can just live happily ever after? Not necessarily.

Now you have to keep your eyes peeled for the next wave of red flags.

See, people usually portray the best version of themselves in the first few months of knowing someone. After a bit though, all hell breaks loose, so, a good first impression might not really mean much.

So, what do you need to look out for? Well, the first set of red flags still is in play (you can read about those here) – the person you’re with could have hid them pretty good in the beginning and some can pop out any time.

There are bad signs that you can’t normally see from the get go, and I’ve compiled a list of some of them that in my opinion are the most important ones.

He’s not willing to introduce you to his friends and/or family.

If it’s been six months of consistently seeing each other and you’ve still not met any of them you probably need to get at least a little bit suspicious.

When a guy really likes you, he will usually want to show you off to everybody in his life and it’s kinda weird if he doesn’t do that. Sure, there are some exceptions – maybe he doesn’t have a great relationship with his family (which technically could be a red flag in and of itself) or doesn’t have close enough friends.

If he’s freaked out by your normal bodily functions.

If he’s not even okay with you mentioning your period, let alone buying you some tampons in an emergency, run, that’s not a man, that’s a whole child.

Ideally, your partner should understand how everything works or be happy to learn. It’s an important part of your life and not having support from a loved one sucks, especially if they express an actual disgust.

You’re not his priority most of the time.

Sure, sometimes other things and people are more important, you need to be okay with that. But if he chooses something or someone else over you again and again for no particularly good reason, I have bad news for you.

He’s not willing to communicate or doesn’t want to improve his communication skills.

Clearly, there’s no problem solving without talking to each other and you can’t really talk to someone who says nothing or doesn’t understand you.

Even if he is a quiet person in general, there still should be some way of communication – sometimes it’s easier to write it down or share in another way for some people and that’s okay, not everyone is made the same. It’s the willingness that counts.

If he is constantly suspecting you of things that you would never do.

Like cheating. If you’ve told him countless times that you haven’t done anything wrong and he still has not let it go, it’s a really bad sign, especially when the accusations start coming with insults. He definitely needs therapy to deal with this, and unless he understands it and is ready to do something about this, you’re better off without him, clearly.

He’s incapable of taking care of himself or is pretending to be incapable.

Never does his laundry or anything around the house pretty much and if you go somewhere for a couple of days you have to leave him enough food.

Tell me, do you want a partner or a child? I’m guessing it’s the former rather than latter.

Of course, there are relationship dynamics that allow for that kind of a thing, but if both of you are working full-time, then this is a no go. He is as much of a grown adult as you are and the responsibilities for the place you live in and all of the chores should be shared equally.

Not really a red flag, but still – he wants different things in life.

Maybe he wanted them from the very beginning or his priorities changes over time or it was you who chose another path that doesn’t align with your partner’s anymore.

Whatever it might be, if your goals, dreams and aspirations don’t go together it’s time for you to go separate ways. You have to be on a same page about pretty much everything in relation to your life together in order for it to work, otherwise there will be a ton of grudges and arguments.

I would also include cheating in this category and the reasoning behind this is that essentially cheating is a choice that a person makes, a choice that shows that loyalty is not a priority to him. And if it is a priority to you, your views on life clearly don’t match anymore.

The brightest red flag of them all is abuse.

Usually abusive people don’t show their true face initially, it takes some time for them to fully exhibit what kind of a shit show they are.

At first an abuser may seem protective of you, slightly jealous, be saying hurtful things but claiming it’s just a joke, slowly separating you from all of the people in your life “because he wants you all to himself”.

And then those buds blossom into evil flowers.

If you begin to feel manipulated, pressured, frightened or generally uncomfortable, get away from him as soon as possible.

No matter what he says, even if he apologizes every single time, don’t listen, those people never change, it won’t improve in any kind of way. The sooner you free yourself, the better, because over time abusers start feeling more and more powerful and become even more horrifying in every possible way.

Relationship is a two-way street. It doesn’t matter how much you love a person and how much you care about them, if it’s not working no matter how hard you try, let them go.

It will hurt, that’s inevitable, but it will be so much better for you (and for them) in a long run.

It’s incredibly important for you to be happy in a relationship, feel appreciated, do well mentally in general.

Your partner defines many areas of your life, whether you realize it or not and if they’re not a great match for you, it may potentially make everything way more complicated and unenjoyable than it needs to be.

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