Discouragement.

As someone who gets discouraged pretty easily, I know the struggle of it. Especially if at the root of the feeling there are other people’s opinions. I’m proud that nowadays I don’t let it impact me too much, but it still does, not gonna lie.

Here are my tips on how to deal with discouragement.

You should be your number one fan.

Always. While getting support from other people undeniably feels great, it is not at all times there. And even if it is, nothing compares to the level of confidence that being your own supporter gives you.

The most important thing to do is cutting people who constantly affect your confidence out of your life.

I learned it the hard way. I launched my first blog some years ago and was hella excited about it. It felt like an accomplishment to me, and it definitely was one, now that I’m looking back on it. I shared the news with somebody very close to me and they laughed in my face. It felt… Empty. I don’t know how to better describe it. Like my soul was yanked out of my body. The person found funny the very idea of me thinking that I could be successful.

See, I never really even thought about success. It was about the process for me at that point. Figuring out how to run a website independently, setting up everything, actually writing stuff that I was passionate about. It was not about the money or fame or anything of that kind – it was about me being me. But the laughter still fucked everything up. I lost the desire. I lost the enjoyment of just sitting there, typing my thoughts out.

It took me almost two years to bounce back. To learn to keep some things to myself, to get rid of toxic people, to regain my confidence.

You need to do the same.

Never let anybody mess with your confidence, never let anyone question your abilities.

Sometimes it’s a good idea to just not tell a single soul about your plans, ideas and even accomplishments if you’re the kind of person who gets discouraged easily as well. Many things in life are better when enjoyed quietly.

I say, fuck them. We humans are fragile enough to discourage our own selves. Don’t let others add on to that. Yeet them to the trash can and thrive, dream, set goals, enjoy achieving them. Nobody else is gonna be doing that for you.

Everybody has a different definition of success. Whatever is yours, stick to it. Make it your own.

You are truly the one and only person, who actually knows for a fact what you are capable of, what your strengths are, what kind of path is best to take. All of the other people, even those closest to you, have no idea about that – maybe some guesses at best.

Others can’t be judges of what you can and cannot do, so don’t even let them try.

Stand in front of the mirror, look into your eyes – whom do you see in there? I bet it’s someone who’s able to achieve so many things in life. That is the only one that matters. Not all the white noise that you keep hearing from people around you.

You can’t please everybody, especially not at the same time.

It’s just not worth it.

See, every relative, every friend, every acquaintance has an idea about what type of a person you are and what you’re supposed to be, it’s human nature to make assumptions about those around us.

You surely can try and bend backwards to fit those ideas, but at what cost?

Firstly, it won’t make you happier. At the very most it will make the person who’s idea it is happy, but it’s still only a possibility and in no way guaranteed (people tend to stay unhappy whatever you do).

Second, it will take up the time you otherwise could spend doing the things that are actually important to you. If your parent wants you to go to med school and you with all of your heart desire to be a chef, what good will it do for you if you go to med school? You will hate it, you won’t try very hard, it will most likely make you resent the person who made you do it, and most importantly the time you could spend learning what you love will be wasted learning what somebody else wants you to.

As I like saying, you are your own boss, whatever you tell yourself has weight and makes a difference. Some people like to call it positive affirmations, I prefer calling it commands from the boss.

Nobody can make you happier than you can and if you encourage yourself every single day, saying it out loud, writing it on paper, you will definitely see a great difference.

Your attitude matters, your mood matters. Guess what doesn’t matter?

Others. Their opinions, their words, their attempts to bring you down. All of that shit must not mean anything to you. See it as them just showing you their true colors and nothing more than that.

Discouragement is something you need to avoid at all costs. It won’t be easy. Changing your perception of what people think is a challenge, especially if you’ve always cared about it.

But when you’ll change it, it’s going to feel like you are a whole new person.