Why you should love yourself before loving others

Why you should love yourself before loving someone else

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Love is a complicated thing. You surely loved before whether it be romantic love, love for a friend or for a family member. 

But have you experienced the most important one of them all – love for yourself?

Being such a meaningful thing it’s not talked about enough.

Isn’t it selfish? Is it even okay to love yourself? Is it all that essential after all?

Let me tell ya – you don’t just need it, you NEED it.

Unless you love yourself you don’t really know how you want to be loved by others. At the same time it’s really difficult to love another person the right way if you feel crappy about yourself.

So, what loving yourself gives you? 

The benefits of self-love. 


One of the best benefits of exercising self-love is the confidence it brings you.

No matter the way you look or what you’re choosing to wear, being confident makes you much more appealing to others.

Confidence is attractive.

Let’s face it, nobody really wants to be around a visibly self-conscious person.

Being confident opens up many doors for you, from the ability to make friends easier to nailing your job interviews.

Besides, it feels great.

You won’t take any shit from others

Loving yourself comes along with having self-respect (duh).

Usually, when you have that respect for yourself you will expect people around you to treat you respectfully as well (and rightfully so).

If you treat yourself poorly you will accept the same treatment from others remarkably easier. You’re already used to it, so there’s nothing new or unexpected about it. Sometimes you won’t even realize you’re being mistreated, because you don’t know any better.

Loving yourself fixes that.

Valuing yourself

Appreciating your upsides properly gives you a better understanding of your own value.

Every person is valuable, of course, but not everybody sees their value. But why is it important to see it?

When you don’t see your value you let just about anybody and anything into your life, your standards are insanely low. But if you’ll see it, analyze it and fully understand it, you’ll be able to recognize what you deserve and what is not good enough for you.

Knowing what you actually want 

It comes from treating yourself right.

When you don’t give yourself what you deserve over and over again, subconsciously you start thinking that maybe you don’t really deserve it. And because of that over time you begin hiding what you actually want even from yourself.

You settle for less, because you think you’re not worthy of more.

On the other hand, if you’ll take care of yourself properly, making sure even the smallest needs of yours are being met, you will feel comfortable enough to admit to the bigger things that you want. 

Not giving an F about people not loving you

When you love yourself, after a certain point it stops bothering you whether other people love you or not.

That’s the exact point in your life when you start meeting incredible people all of the sudden. Because you won’t waste your time noticing people who are anything less than incredible. 

Whenever you don’t feel loved it’s not because of the lack of love for you from others, it’s because of the lack of your love for yourself. Yeah, it may sound silly but it is true. Other people can only fill that void temporarily and then you will be on your own all over again. 

You’re gonna become demanding of others, you’re gonna be needy, you’re gonna develop an unhealthy dependence on your significant other.

You shouldn’t depend on others when it comes to loving you.

It’s easy to fall into the delusion that you’re unworthy of love altogether when you rely on people around you to give you the love you’re craving. It’s desperate and people smell desperation from miles away, like sharks smell blood.

For psychologically healthy people desperation is repulsive. All sorts of assholes though are gonna be attracted to it like moths to the flame, guaranteed.

If you won’t love yourself, nobody will. It may seem harsh, but it is what it is. It’s just the way our brains work, we naturally tend to be attracted to – and be in a long-term relationship or friendship with – people who love, respect and value themselves and are not willing to be a pushover. 

Now that we’ve settled the why, let’s move on to the how. 

Here are a few things you can do to exercise your self-loving muscles.


Taking good care of your body and mental health is a crucial thing.

Plan out your morning and evening routine (here’s why you should definitely do that), learn to meditate, work out regularly, take a nice bubble bath, give yourself a hand massage, start journaling, prioritize yourself more – the possibilities are endless.

The more time you’ll invest into taking care of yourself, the more you’ll value yourself. That’s just how it works – we value the things in which we invest our time, energy and money the most.

Love yourself the way you want to be loved by others.

You should treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

Buy yourself some flowers, take yourself out, sprinkle in a few compliments. Sounds ridiculous but it works.

You can sit around for years waiting for someone to “treat you right”. Do you know what that’ll bring you?


Don’t count on others to do it for you, why wait when you can do it yourself?


When you love someone, you accept all of their flaws. Why don’t you do the same for yourself?

We all have insecurities. Every single person you’ve ever met, everyone you ever saw on the street or anywhere else, is self-conscious about something.

You’re not the only one.

People tend to fixate on their imperfections, often forgetting that nobody is perfect. So, instead of overthinking, give yourself the same courtesy you’ve been giving others.

Accept your “flaws” and with them accept the fact that they don’t make you unworthy of anything.

Loving yourself is not selfish. It’s not weird, not crazy and not arrogant – it’s necessary.

It’s the key to healthier mindset and healthier relationships with people around you.

Loving yourself is the best thing that can happen to you, so let it happen ASAP. 

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