Realistically, you should be able to sniff out crappy people and situations yourself. 

But if you’ve been in a toxic relationship or two already, or maybe even had a toxic environment growing up, it probably is way harder for you to see those things clearly, because your mind thinks of them as at least somewhat of a normal thing. I would definitely suggest working it through with a therapist if this is your case. 

Over the years of dating, I’ve compiled a list of hard dealbreakers, red flags after noticing which you need to just keep that person away from you.

Red flags in the beginning of a relationship

Control. 

When he’s trying to control you from the get go it’s not a good sign. 

Sometimes it starts with something that seems endearing, like telling you to go to sleep because it’s late or making you wear warmer clothes because it’s cold outside. 

Sure, it can be nothing, but it should make you a little suspicious – those little things turn into nasty monsters later on more often than never. 

Also, if he’s insecure about you hanging out with your friends in the beginning of a relationship, RUN. Those insecurities will make your life a nightmare over time.

Says bad things about exes. 

Somehow, they’re all trash and he is a victim. 

Yes, most of us have a bad ex or two. But every single one? Nah. Chances are he’s the problem since he is a common denominator. 

He will most likely do the same thing to you when you break up. This is just the type of a person who thinks it’s everybody else’s fault, never his own. It also shows that he is most likely going to have trouble with taking responsibility in a lot of other areas of life.

His previous relationship fell apart because of him cheating. 

If you find this out, you’re definitely better off without him. Of course, people can change, grow, and learn from their mistakes, but I think first of all cheating is not a mistake by any means – it’s a choice, and second – it’s not worth the risk. 

Would you want to get cheated on? I’m guessing the answer to that is no, at least I hope so. 

Of course, there’s no guarantee your partner will stay faithful either way, but him having already slipped up like that in the past is cranking up the chances of the same thing happening in the future again. 

There are so many people who have principles and are actually loyal by choice, so why not try to find those? Communicate these things early on to find out what his stance on cheating is.

Talks only about himself. 

Obviously, dating is about getting to know each other and potentially falling in love. But how is that supposed to happen if the dude you’re dating is self-absorbed to say the least? 

All he talks about is his car, his friends, his hobbies, things he knows – he’s basically acting as a cat, licking his own balls (I’m sorry but it’s the best analogy for this type of a guy). 

When a person you’re on a date with isn’t even remotely trying to find out what you like and what you are like, it’s a no go – he is definitely not worth your time. Relationship is a two-way street.

Laughs at your dreams and goals. 

I think it’s one of the worst things one person can do to another in the mental aspect – it’s always discouraging, belittling and soul-crushing. 

If a man you’re dating is doing this to you, I’m sorry. It sucks and it’s not okay, you need to run away from him as fast as you can. 

Imagine what’s going to happen later in a relationship if he dares to treat you this way in the beginning. A guy who does this belongs to the garbage bin.

Critiques your looks. 

Another pretty obvious one, the guy is trash. 

There’s no logic somehow, why in the hell go out with a person whose appearance you don’t appreciate to then tell them all about it? Surely there’s something wrong with his head. 

Honestly, you should be looking for a person who will not only appreciate you and everything about you, but will literally worship you and think you’ve hung the moon – and of course that needs to be mutual. 

The guys who constantly say belittling things to you are just assholes and are quite dumb and that’s all that is. Never give those dipshits your attention and a benefit of the doubt, they’re truly not worth any of it.

Has a holier than thou attitude. 

It can be quite diminishing and it’s for sure not a good start for anything long-term. If he is getting into it thinking he’s better than you, later it’s going to get only worse. 

This type of person is never happy with anything you say or do – it’s just never good enough and in his head he always deserves better no matter what – probably that’s what his mommy told him. But realistically in this situation it’s you who deserves better, leave his sorry ass behind.

If he’s telling you he’s no good. 

You really have to start believing people when they talk bad about themselves, they aren’t lying, it’s most likely going to be a mess of a relationship. 

And if he’s actually lying, it’s not for you to figure this out and he’s an absolute idiot for doing that (also apparently a liar, another red flag anyway, right?). 

Pretty much the same goes for when other people warn you about him, especially if those people are your friends, you definitely should listen, it’s better to be safe than sorry. There is no way you can change a person, they have to do it on their own.

Red flags are a blessing in disguise in some way, look at it as if it’s him being honest and showing you what kind of a guy he really is. 

It’s a great opportunity for you to figure him out early on and make your judgements based on it. 

So, if you ever see any of these tell-tale signs, these red flags, just leave him be. He is really not the right person for you if he does this – the right person wouldn’t. 

Look at it this way – when you want something to eat you don’t just eat whatever you find on the ground, it has to be something good and enjoyable, right? Well it’s the same way with guys, you have to find somebody who will be right for you, who won’t make you feel bad about yourself and your choices, who won’t belittle and abuse you. 

It’s truly better to be alone than with a dirtbag.

 Disclaimer: I’m not a relationship expert – just sharing my thoughts and personal experiences!